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Subject: Hi Irreverencity
Message-Id: <2FA26E5B-D7FD-499A-A837-2F5F3FB9B708@macauto-usa.com>
Date: Thu, 5 May 2016 08:31:51 +0200
To: "Irreverencity" <valerie.white.blogpage@blogger.com>
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good afternoon Irreverencity
http://mectravelservices.co.uk/effort.php?cross=3Dvhcva14a37h6qcx
Valerie
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
What's in a dream?
I want to start by saying the setting of the dream was very odd. It felt like I was outside, like at a park, with a lot of unfamiliar people also there. I experienced the green grass and the dirt under me, saw and felt large trees, and there were birds and squirrels. But at the same time, I felt I was inside a large structure kind of like a gym or something.
While in this strange place, I felt quite alone. Then I saw a woman I know. She came up to me and said, "You don't really like me, do you?" She said it as though she was somewhat disappointed. I was completely flabbergasted. I do like this woman. We're not friends, but I like her every bit as much as I like everyone else with whom I interact in our common (real-world) setting, maybe even a bit more.
I have always had difficulty expressing myself and my emotions, especially affection and friendship type things. People seem to think quite often that I'm upset with them when I'm not, that I dislike them, or that I simply don't care or am stoic. None of it is true, of course. And I explained all of this to her in the dream, and we had a lengthy and productive heart-to-heart. We ended up hugging, which felt nice. Now, I'm not a hugger; ever since I was 2 or 3 years old, I have been uncomfortable embracing even family. It is rare for me to find someone I'm willing to hug, so that was another very strange part of the dream.
In the real world, I feel as though I'm not really welcome by her. After this dream, I'm wondering if my own feeling of being left out is just a reflection of how she feels about me - that she feels somewhat uninvited. Maybe I'm the one who is unwelcoming? Maybe I need to reach out more? Or maybe this dream is just a revelation of an interaction to come? I know that sounds strange, but I had another dream some months ago that a co-worker told me she was divorcing her husband. It was another strange-setting, only interact with one person dream with that weird I-know-this-means-something feeling to it. Then a couple of months ago, she told me the same thing in the same manner she did in the dream. Anyone have any ideas on this? Does anyone actually read this anymore?
Monday, August 30, 2010
On the Tonsillectomy
Some of you have been asking me what the tonsillectomy was like. Believe it or not, it was much worse than the hysterectomy! It is definitely true that doing it as an adult is hell. The first week was semi-okay. It was sore but more like a standard sore throat. The second week was absolutely horrid! The scabs fell off about 7 or 8 days post-op, and it was like my world was toppled. For the first week, cold food and drinks like Popsicles and Gatorade went down easy, so I was able to stay hydrated and get some energy. I also only needed pain medication every 4-6 hours, and it was well-managed.
All that changed after those darn scabs fell off. Cold was suddenly extremely painful. I couldn't eat anything at all, and only lukewarm liquids such as tea and broth were tolerable. And the pain! Oh, it was bad! My husband called the doctor and got a revised schedule for my pain meds. Between the (liquid) Percocet and something called "magic mouthwash" (a combination of diphenhydramine, lidocaine, and an antacid), I was taking something for pain every hour. Yes, every hour. And it still was not fully under control. This may be cliche, but the pain was maddening. I've never had pain that was so disconcerting. The chronic pelvic pain that led to the hysterectomy was awful, don't get me wrong, but when your throat hurts that bad, it really gets to you fast.
Even with all that pain, if I had it to do over again, I would still go through with the tonsillectomy. I haven't had anything catch in my throat since the surgery, and I haven't had my throat swell to the point it was hard to breathe. Granted, it's only 3.5 months out, but I had something catch and cause swelling at least every other week. It was definitely worth it.
By the way, did anyone else notice that I seem to have written my best while under the influence of Percocet...?
Monday, July 12, 2010
Why Did the Mole Cross the Road?
There was a very heavy rain while I was driving up the road this morning. I had decided to take the back roads, because I knew that with the rain, traffic would be really backed up on the main routes. For some reason, people around here just can't drive in the rain or snow, but I digress. Back to the mole in the road: I saw something moving across the road, and it was already about halfway across the two-lane road, going to the right. I thought it was a piece of trash blowing across, looked like a black tube or something, but then I could tell it was moving too smoothly to be trash. I slowed down so I wouldn't hit it, and when it was about half way across my lane I could finally tell it was a mole. His little legs were moving as fast as they could.
I had never seen a mole trying to run before. They don't lope like groundhogs or ferrets. The body stayed very still, with those short little legs getting a serious workout. It was kind of like a cartoon where the body is relatively stationary while the legs are moving so fast all you see are the motion lines going in circles. Well, I hope the little guy made it to a new place out of the rain. Since I stopped to let him cross, I know he made it off the road, but I don't know where he went thereafter. Of course, the people who owned the property on that side of the road probably would rather I hadn't slowed down at all...
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
On Healing
Yes, the wounds from the surgery have completely closed and did so weeks ago - at least the external ones, but that's not the end of it. The scars will continue to break down and rebuild, creating ever smoother and less noticeable lines. But they will always be there. I do not dwell on physical imperfections; they don't bother me. The point is that I will always have the reminders of what I had to go through. And much of the scarring and healing is taking place on the inside, where nobody, not even me, can see them. But I know they are there.
So it is with emotional wounds and their healing, too. The scars may not ever completely go away, but they do heal and fade with the passage of enough time. When someone is hurt badly enough, it can take years for the healing to be completed. Some would say that the healing is never complete. While I agree that there will always be that scar, that reminder, it doesn't mean that you have not healed. Healing is the restoration of damaged (tissue or psyche in this case) to normal function. When you return to being healthy, be it your physical body or your emotional state, you are healed, even if the scars remain and no matter how long it takes to achieve that. That doesn't mean you have to forget or that you are not changed or that it is no longer a part of you. It just means you are "normal" again, even if "normal" is different than it was before.
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