Tuesday, January 4, 2011

What's in a dream?

Well, I'm about to post about something that will make all of you think I'm nuts (as if you needed any more reason). I had a very strange dream last night, one that feels like it has some meaning.


I want to start by saying the setting of the dream was very odd. It felt like I was outside, like at a park, with a lot of unfamiliar people also there. I experienced the green grass and the dirt under me, saw and felt large trees, and there were birds and squirrels. But at the same time, I felt I was inside a large structure kind of like a gym or something.


While in this strange place, I felt quite alone. Then I saw a woman I know. She came up to me and said, "You don't really like me, do you?" She said it as though she was somewhat disappointed. I was completely flabbergasted. I do like this woman. We're not friends, but I like her every bit as much as I like everyone else with whom I interact in our common (real-world) setting, maybe even a bit more.


I have always had difficulty expressing myself and my emotions, especially affection and friendship type things. People seem to think quite often that I'm upset with them when I'm not, that I dislike them, or that I simply don't care or am stoic. None of it is true, of course. And I explained all of this to her in the dream, and we had a lengthy and productive heart-to-heart. We ended up hugging, which felt nice. Now, I'm not a hugger; ever since I was 2 or 3 years old, I have been uncomfortable embracing even family. It is rare for me to find someone I'm willing to hug, so that was another very strange part of the dream.


In the real world, I feel as though I'm not really welcome by her. After this dream, I'm wondering if my own feeling of being left out is just a reflection of how she feels about me - that she feels somewhat uninvited. Maybe I'm the one who is unwelcoming? Maybe I need to reach out more? Or maybe this dream is just a revelation of an interaction to come? I know that sounds strange, but I had another dream some months ago that a co-worker told me she was divorcing her husband. It was another strange-setting, only interact with one person dream with that weird I-know-this-means-something feeling to it. Then a couple of months ago, she told me the same thing in the same manner she did in the dream. Anyone have any ideas on this? Does anyone actually read this anymore?

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